It’s Giving Tuesday.
You probably woke up thinking it would be simple: write a check, feel good, move on.
Instead you’ve found yourself in a full-blown negotiation with your spouse.
Together, you’ve set aside $500 for charity.
You want to give to your university.
Your spouse wants to fund malaria prevention.
Both charities offer a 1:1 match — but only if you donate at least $400 to one, or $500 to the other.
If you split the money, even 75/25, you both lose the match.
To get the match, one cause has to “win” with an 80/20 or 100/0 split.
But wait.
That’s when the real problem shows up.
Yesterday, you posted on Instagram that you’d donate $500 to your alma mater today. Your alumni friends commented, saying they’d donate too because of your example.
Your spouse has no idea you posted this.
EEK.
Now you’re sweating. If you back down, you look flaky to your whole alumni circle.
But if your spouse finds out you publicly committed your joint money without asking? They’d be furious.
Meanwhile, your spouse says that you could fully fund both causes if you just skipped gift giving to relatives.
And that’s fine for them. Their extended family doesn’t care about gifts. They could redirect that money to charity and everyone wins.
But YOUR family? They’re expecting gifts — it’s a big part of your family dynamic. Showing up empty-handed would be a disaster.
So do you claw this money out of the budget at the expense of family relations? Or do you agree on a lopsided split? And how do you navigate the social embarrassment of having to possibly go back on your word?
This was today’s negotiation drill.
Once a week, we run LIVE negotiation practice sessions — mirroring the types of situations that you’ll encounter in day-to-day life.
Today it was spouses negotiating about charitable giving — how much should they give? And to whom?
Last week it was siblings discussing “Who’s hosting Thanksgiving dinner?”
The previous two weeks, we covered rental negotiations — landlord/tenant disputes and apartment subletting.
We practice neighbor disputes, too, like the “haunted house” that went all out for Halloween — skeletons, pumpkins, witches, fog machines — and the neighbor who hated the big, rowdy crowds next door.
We practice asking for a raise, or accepting a new job offer, or handling a difficult neighbor, or family conflicts, or school PTA meetings.
I’m a big believer that you can’t just learn negotiation in theory. You have to practice it.
And you negotiate constantly … with your spouse, your family, your landlord, your boss, your coworkers. Every day.
These conversations shape your life. But if you’re conflict-avoidant, or shy, or not used to advocating for yourself, you don’t always show up the way you want to.
That’s why practice is so important.
Here’s what made today work:
Each person got confidential information the other didn’t know.
When the alma mater supporter revealed, “Actually, I posted publicly that I’d give $500,” the malaria person was genuinely shocked. They had no idea. They weren’t primed to expect it.
When the malaria prevention supporter said, “Let’s skip gifts to give to both causes,” the other person’s stomach sank. They knew immediately their family would hate that idea.
That’s exactly like real life.
Your spouse has no idea what you’re really worried about. You have no idea what they’re dealing with.
But you still have to solve this together.
And the only way to get better at that is to practice.
If you want to get better at the conversations that shape your money, your career, and your relationships, come practice with us.
Once a week, we meet for a live, 1-hour negotiation session.
Brand-new scenario every time.
You get a confidential memo, negotiate in a breakout room, and then we debrief together so you can see what worked, what didn’t, and why.
No prep required. Every session stands on its own. First-timers always welcome.
When you join Your Next Raise, you get
Immediate access to all course videos + materials
Weekly live practice sessions A community of people improving the same skill you are Coaching, feedback, and a place to try things safely before the real stakes show up
If you want to communicate clearly…
ask for what you want…
stay grounded in tough conversations…
and stop avoiding conflict because it feels uncomfortable…
This is how you get there.
I’ll see you at the next live practice. 🙂
And happy Giving Tuesday!