In a Berkshire Hathaway shareholder letter, Warren Buffett once advised, “Leave the children enough so that they can do anything but not enough that they can do nothing.”
Many parents share this sentiment. A recent survey from Kiplinger and Morning Consult found that parents most hope their adult children use an inheritance to improve their lives (22%), not waste it (20%).
Once it’s handed over, though, an inheritance can go toward things you’d never condone, or the windfall can shift a child’s behavior in unhealthy ways over the long run.
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Take David and Kathy, a hypothetical couple who gave their 20-something twins $100,000 each. Instead of using it to buy a house or invest wisely, one twin quit a steady job to day-trade, while the other used it to buy a luxury car that would depreciate over time. What was meant as a gift to open up the future instead became a setback or wasted opportunity.
As Joy Slabaugh, a certified financial planner (CFP) and founder of the Wealth Alignment Institute, explains: “Money can unintentionally interfere with motivation, identity, autonomy or family relationships.”
Fortunately, avoiding that outcome doesn’t have to change your desire to give or how much, just the way you give it. This holds true for parents as well as grandparents.
Why early inheritances can backfire
An early inheritance is a chance to help adult children while you’re still around to see them enjoy it. And while more adult children would rather get financial help now (45%) than a larger inheritance later, only 14% of parents say they’d prefer to give now, according to Kiplinger’s survey.
Part of that hesitation may stem from research like a 2026 study that found 42% of heirs spend their entire inheritance within a single year of receiving it. Going from having little to suddenly having a lot can trigger impulsive spending. And depending on the amount, it can also dull the motivation to work hard or invest.
Psychological factors are at play, too. Heirs can experience what researchers call “mortality salience” — the subconscious discomfort of handling “death money,” which can prompt rapid spending as a coping mechanism.
Unearned money also tends to be treated more casually than a paycheck. Behavioral economists call this the “house money effect.” People spend windfalls, gifts and winnings more freely than money they worked for, as though it were the casino’s money rather than their own.
Control over an early inheritance with incentive trusts
(Image credit: Getty Images)
For parents who want to give each adult child an early inheritance without fear that it will become a slush fund to live off, one possible solution is an incentive trust.
An incentive trust releases money only when your child meets certain conditions you’ve set, rather than handing everything over at once. Think of it as a gift with instructions attached. You, the parent, write the rules, while a trustee checks that each one is met before releasing any money. Your child receives a payout only after clearing the bar you set.
If David and Kathy had used an incentive trust, they could have nipped the twins’ spendthrift behavior in the bud. Some common conditions they might have required are: A college degree, matching income from a job, or releasing money for a specific step like buying a first home. Other requirements act as guardrails, such as pausing payouts if a child struggles with substance abuse.
Jon Lapp, a CFP and founder of Haven Financial Advisors, suggests, “Reasonable provisions might support college or vocational training, match retirement savings, help purchase a first home, fund a credible business plan, or give an independent trustee discretion to make staged distributions as the beneficiary demonstrates financial responsibility.”
Ultimately, the purpose of an incentive trust is to encourage a desired action or prevent mismanagement. “I would consider this type of trust when the inheritance is large relative to the child’s experience, or when there are specific concerns involving addiction, impulsive spending, creditors or an unstable relationship,” Lapp says.
What to know before setting up an incentive trust
While an incentive trust sounds good on paper, it can turn into a problem in practice without careful planning.
For instance, Lapp says, “Conditions based on earning a particular salary, entering a certain profession, getting married or having children can become unfair very quickly. Even an earned-income match can penalize a teacher, caregiver, entrepreneur or disabled beneficiary.”
Rigid rules can also become outdated, fail to account for unexpected life events like illness or injury, and place trustees in difficult emotional positions. “When parents use wealth to protect, control, rescue or reward their children, the financial gift can become emotionally complicated for everyone involved,” says Slabaugh.
When weighing how best to give an early inheritance, she recommends first asking the right question: “Rather than asking, ‘How do we keep our kids from wasting the money?’ I encourage families to ask, ‘What do we want this wealth to make possible for our children, and what do we want it to teach or reinforce?'”
Other ways to help sooner rather than later
If you plan to give as much as a six-figure sum to your adult children, Lapp advises starting small. “Smaller gifts over several years can provide a useful test of how the child handles money,” he says.
Other options Lapp offers include helping fund a Roth IRA when the child has eligible earned income, using a parent- or grandparent-controlled 529 account, paying tuition or medical costs directly to the provider, and structuring housing help as a formal loan rather than an informal blank check. He points out that direct tuition and medical payments can also qualify for specific federal gift-tax exclusions when handled correctly.
When the money supports positive choices a child has already made, it can set healthier expectations. After all, that’s what parents want most. As Lapp puts it, “The primary goal is to help the next generation, without enabling poor financial management, or creating the expectation that they will always be ‘bailed out’ by mom and dad.”
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